silent sunday

Independence Pass

July 2014

This is my Site

I've been thinking about writing for too long.  Now i am writing.  i like to hyphenate. a-lot.  i like lower case letters and random. use. of. periods.  

this is my site and here's how i see it unfolding: 

Music Monday -- finding new music is my favorite. music monday will be my excuse to get to know musicians (better) and give some good, (virtually) unknown music some well deserved attention. if i happen to book a few cabin concerts along the way: so be it.  I'm starting with musicians that either a) i know personally 2) i have met or iii) i know someone who knows them so i feel like i have a kevin-baconesque connection to them.  From there, i will branch out to musicians who are perfect strangers, but whose music i like and who deserve attention. 

Tell it Like it is Tuesday -- put my personality in a kettle for about an hour and it will boil down to nothing but my opinion.  i have great insight into... well, all things really, and even though i give it freely, i feel the need to express myself. even . more .  on tuesdays I'll review products, services, maybe even movies--basically whatever i want to tell you about, i will.  Tuesdays will hopefully become a place where i shamelessly hawk great products that people will send me for free so i can plug them and make them soar off the shelves at Amazon, a'la Oprah book club.  i'm not too proud to whore myself for free stuff -- but only free stuff that i actually LIKE.  

for What it's Worth Wednesday -- my opinion of products is second only to my opinion of other people's lives. for What it's Worth is my advice column.  More erma bombeck than ann landers.  think of it as group therapy.  Anonymous request for help with a web of opinions to contribute for the betterment of all.  sometimes a guest will sit in my chair. 

Thinking Out Loud (thursday) -- This is my weekly essay blog.  if i had a syndicated column--this is it. my words about me. personal, true and if it hits the mark i'm aiming for,  funny, poignant and provocative.  but no pressure and no promises. 

Free for all Friday -- indulgences for my rants, raves, a guest writer here and there, throw light on great hidden interweb stuff and generally let it all hang out. i mean, it's friday. 

Saturday -- i know myself.  seven days a week is a tough regimen.  Saturdays we'll go dormant.  get out of the house.  get some sun.  turn off the monitor. 

Silent Sunday -- Photo of the week.  Maybe by me.  maybe my kid or maybe a Facebook famous photog friend.  few, if any restrictions, but the photo will do the talking on sundays.  we all need a little quiet. 


so there's the plan. come back on Friday to see how it goes.  

txsjewels

permission slip

i give myself permission not to change. for the next thirty days i will not dwell on anything that i want to be different. for the next thirty days i will steer my thoughts into the direction of loving and accepting all things exactly they way they are in the present. i break from guilt . for the next thirty days i will consciously rebuke guilt when it enters my mind.

i love my authenticity. i will not hide it anymore. for the next thirty days i will create loving thoughts about myself. i will steer my thoughts into the direction of loving and accepting all things about myself the way they are at. this. moment.

i embrace gratitude. i surrender to complete thanks. without tug of resentment at my back.

for this moment. i receive the love that surrounds me. i accept . it all.

2:29 am saturday, may 22 2010

originally written july 29, 2007... reposted in honor of Marvin Zindler. Eye. Witness. News. Thank you Marvin ...



I pretty much gave up watching television news after 9/11. A couple of years ago, though, I realized that I liked to listen to Channel 13 six o'clock news while I cooked dinner. I have a tiny black and white sony TV on my kitchen counter, I think it's from 1978—looks like it was made to go on the first manned space flight, but I digress. I'd pop 13 news on while the skillet heated up, and listen as Dave Ward punched his mid-sentence delivery and Bob Brandon lilted out the weather. It felt familiar. It was comfort news.
I'm a native houstonian. Channel 13 has always felt like my hometown news—remember the millionaire movie every day at 3:00? Pre-oprah. And even though Dave Ward, Don Nelson, Bob Brandon, even cutie Bob Allen have gotten older and rounder, 13 News sounds (if not looks) as it did when I was a kid. And then there was the prime minister of the semi-circular table: Marvin Zindler.
**If you're not from Houston, or just never paid attention to the news, Marvin Zindler gained national attention for his major role in shutting down the Chicken Ranch, outside of La Grange--which was famous for being the favorite destination of college boys and local married men for a little female companionship. Best Little Whorehouse in Texas cast Dolly Parten and Burt Reynold's in a flagrantly romanticized story of the hick-madam and good ole boy sherrif. Dom DeLouise played the Zindler character: wig and all. **
While the news droned on and my work progressed from chopping and checking to setting the table and putting ice in glasses, I didn't pay attention to the screen, maybe I'd put eyes on the week's forecast, it's like your horoscope: you don't believe it, but you can't resist reading it anyway. But when it was time for Marvin, I'd stop and watch. Something about him. that he was still on the air… at his age! with that hair! those suits! those blue glasses. … after all these years, I had come to respect his adherence to the accouterment of it all. Moreover, I loved to see what he was up to. He was forever walking into dilapidated homes, holding the hand of toothless woman in a wheelchair and putting the IRS in their place—to say nothing of the roach droppings, improper temp-a-too-ur food and SLIME in the ice machine. And always with a reliable sign off. MARvin ZINDler EYE WITNESS NEWS.
Marvin died tonight. Over the years I've run into him at Pino's or Kingwood Country Club. Always cordial, he was sincerely everything he appeared to be. A flamboyant character dedicated to the little guy, in pursuit of help for those who couldn't find it, and on a quest for a clean kitchen. When Dave Ward announced his passing tonight, I teared up a bit.
Another little piece of my history is gone.
I don't miss day-glo watches or paper-sack top jeans. I don't miss Flock of Seagulls, Wham or Devo (okay, I do miss devo, a little..).
This Friday, I will miss getting my weekly sign-off fix from the man in the big white hair.
To you old man: good tennis, good golf and everything that makes you happy.
Dave said it best, "Thank you, Marvin."

Here's to love .. Whatever it is...

and here's the second bit ...

more about the wedding tonight (second marriage for both bride and groom) .. for obvious reasons, it got me thinking about what i really wanted in a long term um, ... okay, wedding. ugh. there i said it.

it's been a long time since i've been a wedding guest; not exactly my favorite occasion, a bitter divorcee' , some may say-- although i deny it (every time).

i'm not down on marriage, especially for people are who married. as i've said before: if you're married, stay married: hunker down and be there for each other. laugh. cry. do the work. make it work. because it's worth it. seriously.
BUT.
if you are not married, or 'lucky' enough to have been through the marriage juggernaut and come out the other side relatively unscathed. well then, my friend, i say stay there. marriage is hard work. it's one of those things like italian creme cake: it looks better than it really is.
but i digresss....

so i go to this wedding. i am a guest of the bride. we are casual friends, at best. our daughters are long-time schoolmates and we had comradery in that we were both single mothers with relatively young children in the middle of suburbia. as a minority, we stuck together. truth be told, i'm sure if not for my daughter's connection with bride's daughter: i would not have been invited, let alone attended.

she's been dating this guy for about a year. that's all i really have to say about that. what i came here tonight to discuss is the wedding itself.

**as an aside i have to add: if there was every any question in my mind (which, there really wasn't), i now know with all certainty that i will never do the white dress and train with a veil thing ever again. she did. and that sealed the deal for me.**

i sat there and listened to the preacher bind them together til death do they part. yada yada yada. unity candle. traditional vows. what can is say dear reader? it made me squirm in my satin-covered chair knowing as i do, that she's already done this song with another partner. death did they part? fairly ugly divorces on both sides from the way she tells (told?) it. so.. death, not quite. but. this is her day. .. .. again.

then the reception: grand entrance. first dance. daddy dance. toasts from the four groomsmen. i felt my eyes rolling..
what are we, 23 years old here?

where is the realism? where is the part about : this is it fellas. no more dancing around the truth. we're here to take it to the next level, so both of you better be ready to cowboy up and ride this bull. because as you both know: it's a torn up road. so take a minute and think about it, because this is the last chance you have to take a step back without threat of serious repercussions from which you may-or may not-fully recover .. .. makes you wish sometimes it was as easy as holding onto bucking reigns for eight seconds.

i don't begrudge her this pomp and circumstance, but it solidified an attitude in me that i will not go back and say the same words. the same way. with the same hollowness. my crystal-crusted wedding gown didn't make a damn bit of difference a year from that day. by the time i got on the plane for my honeymoon, i could barely put together the fragments of memories from my wedding. it was a swhirl of snapshot moments in my mind. what exactly did we promise? it wasn't a moment of commitment, it was a lot of fluff about ... nothing. but this is only my experience.

i admit that i sometimes think what my 2nd wedding would be like. i can't see it, it's a vague idea.. but the images got clearer after tonight:
* it goes without saying that the dress code would be comfortable. the mood would be free and open. i'm not (necessarily) talking bare feet or cut offs in a city park .. .. i just mean the event would be momentous, without formality.
*then, the vows. in the comedy version of my vows, i say things like: "i promise never to gripe about the toilet seat and try my best not to one day hate you." because that's how i roll.
if i had to think about a real promise, i wouldn't repeat rote words from some preacher. this time, i need a spell i can trust.
maybe .. : "i like you so much i want you to be my family. i choose you because you see me better than i see myself, even when you look at the real me."
Romance and intimacy, yes, but there would be a sense of business at hand. i see the vows as a pact: an agreement. maybe we'd even sign a contract: that we would try to stay together. we would admit to each other that whatever it is that draws us to this place, to make this spectacle of our relationship: whatever that is: we agree here and now to explore it, nurture it and respect it. We acknowledge that there is strong love when we work together, and at this moment we enter into a partnership to foster that love. "for as long as we can possibly stand it. "

but that's just me. maybe i'd feel different if i'd walk a mile in her custom-dyed pump.