so.. how do you tell your sorta boyfriend that even though all your friends are reading it, (because it totally rocks) you can't send him a link to your blog because you already wrote a long post about his fake hair complete with pictures of dogs and babies wearing wigs. and you're afraid that once he reads it he'll never speak to you again, which might be okay, but the not speaking to probably also involves not having sex with you, which is not okay.mommy has needs.i don't have the balls to tell him; i like him too much to take a chance and just send the link, but i'm a stubborn fool, so i also refuse to take it down. even if he doesn't go all the way down to his post, i'm guessing the wig ads along the banner will clue him that something's going on. at least my mom has the good sense to choose not to read me. she hates even the thought that i cuss and talk about sex. (your writing doesn't need to use those kind of words just like bill cosby doesn't need to use them to be funny) i think she still sees me as the girl in cable-knit knee socks lecturing kids at my baptist school that i can get high without alcohol or drugs. ah, those were the days.
however, my guy doesn't mind the occasional shit or fuck in fact, he loves fucking. and he's asking about the blog. a lot. i don't know how adept he is at googling, but come on; it don't take a genius to find what you're looking for if you're willing to click around for a while. and he's no genius.
here's what i've got on tap just in case he comes over tomorrow night and says "i read your blog. put your bra back on."
1. when i wrote the post this summer, i had every reason to think that you would be nothing more than a blurry memory and maybe a potential drunk dial by the time the new season of Ugly Betty started... but on the upshot: now that it's been four months, you're definitely on the short-short list for the "Stuck Around the Longest" plaque i'm forging out of all the watches and glasses left behind by those before you...
2. even if by some lapse in rational judgement i would have thought that you would be long-term (anything after 2 dates is long term to me... yes, i've been to therapy. shut up.) i certainly would have thought that by now my abrasive, albeit charming personality would have forced me to say "hey, will you take that hair off so i can see how it's put together and also check out what you look like bald?" because that just sounds like me.
3. i was talking about someone else. YOU have a hairpiece too??? wow, i never noticed.
It's weird when real life intersects with blog life. A few years ago, my "work boyfriend" found my blog - the blog where I repeated referred to him as "cute". I spazzed out and edited out any reference to his hotness - he'd already seen them, but I felt better that he couldn't go back and rub it in my face.
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