Monday, June 09, 2008

Sometimes singleness sucks...

Sometimes I hate being single…. is that so wrong?

if I am to have the ultimate experience, then I am convinced I am to have it with another. I can see that all experience is heightened in importance and weight by sharing it with people….but most especially, by sharing it with A Person.

And so brings us to my dilemma: sometimes I hate being single.

I am not one of those cat-hair fleckeled divorcees – with children in therapy and my ex-husband's wife as my "best friend". I am a real woman, here. Yes I get an inordinate amount of child support but I went out and got it straight from him. And I earn it.

But then again, I am your typical unhappily single divorcee; looking for love. or whatever. At least I was.

I've come to know that I'll never find the ultimate experience by looking for it—I would have found it by now… believe me. I've got no choice but to follow God's path laid out before me. My treasure awaits. Or maybe not. Regardless, …….. I know God has a plan for all of this.

i'm just not confident in my ability to wait on the Lord. You know what I mean?
I get so dang jealous. It's pathetic. I get jealous of BAD relationships.

Sometimes I think I'd rather be tangled up with a dysfunctional dude in distress than sit here in the bed alone another night. Come on people. I'm too much fun and just too damn cute to still be alone. And that's just the big ole baby inside of me getting out to cry a while.

At morning's light… and the end of even a long day, I am so grateful for my own independence and solitude. I love being me. And I'm really good at it. Being with someone would be good too.

Especially someone I thought was as cool as I am. Is that possible?

But to focus on the issue, as to pluck it out and get rid of it for now: sometimes I hate being so utterly alone. I hate being single tonight. And I'm not apologizing for being pissed off about it. I'm not gloria steinem. I'm okay with needing a man………

Once in a while.

I hate being single tonight. Tomorrow… I'm believing……will be better in the light.

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