Let Them live their Best Life, Mom

I am a critic. I pick everything apart. I notice things. I can find the little bit of bad in all things, even the goodest of things.  No one and nothing gets five stars in my life, because five stars is perfect and as i'm quick to point out : there is no perfect in this world. 

People watching (eye rolling, get-a-load-of=thatisms, etc.) is a long honored family past time of my formative years.  it's not classy and sometimes unkind, but it's what we do. we point out quirks, but just to ourselves.This family tradition stops with my fifteen year old daughter.  Facial tattoos, purposely vague gender appearance, extravagant body hair or just plain weirdness is to be embraced. Anything and everything is acceptable, and she encourages me to go with the flow, let them live their best life, mom. in other words : stay out of it. 

It's a simple point she brings up and stirs up questions about how I see my own life and am I living my best life, as these weridos and wackjobs seem to be. 

So what if they really are living their their own best life.  What if the ultimate dream of this person is to hang out in a lawn chair on his driveway with his smoker in the front yard.  And who am i to eye roll that ?  

It's true. how would I or do i know what someone else's Best Life looks like?  Hell, i don't even know what my best life looks like -- and i spend a lot of time thinking about it. i certainly have no idea what someone else's best life looks like. Yet, i still pick at it. needlessly, automatically;  and it picks at me . 

It's frequent that I'm described as negative.  Truth be told, when people meet me for the first time, response is typically not all together positive .Feedback from my first impression includes words like egotistical, selfish, judgmental and cold. however, there are also words peppered in there like powerful, intelligent, funny and strong. I also hear cynical a lot, which i consider a compliment. 

 

Now that sounds pretty negative, right ?  Even reading it, it has a negative connotation and uses a lot of negative words. But i see myself as a born critic, these comments just come into my head. I overthink it. It feels natural. 

Food, movies and vacations are dissected and critiqued with the utmost sharpness. notice i didn't say "Judged,"  but critiqued.  And there's the rub.

  

Is Criticism is by it's nature negative judgement? let's go to the tape: 

crit·i·cism

ˈkridəˌsizəm/

noun

noun: criticism; plural noun: criticisms

1. 1.

   the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes.

   "he received a lot of criticism"

   synonyms:

   censure, condemnation, denunciation, disapproval, disparagement,  opprobrium, fault-finding, attack, broadside, stricture, recrimination; More

2. 2.

   the analysis and judgment of the merits and faults of a literary or artistic work.

   "alternative methods of criticism supported by well-developed literary theories"

   synonyms:

   evaluation, assessment, appraisal, analysis, judgment; More

   • the scholarly investigation of literary or historical texts to determine their origin or intended form.

Okay, so obviously you can see the problem here.  One definition of is clearly negative -- even synonymous with "attack," "broadside," and "disapproval."   That's negative. That's pessimism, ugliness, pettiness. That's the critic i don't want to be. 

But definition 2 (also a noun)  is more on along my track of thinking (i hope). This definition takes into account both sides, "the merits and faults,"  and is synonymous with analysis, evaluation, appraisal.  That's the critic i want to be, or do I?  "Judgement" is synonymous with both definitions of Criticism, so if there's any equal sign to be fairly assessed, it's between those two words. 

Criticism = Judgement

Is judgement negative ? My daughter would say mine is.