Thursday, June 04, 2009

Amazingly... its barely my fault

okay. me and The Guy are on the skids. there. now you know. and i'll tell you why.

he travels in his job. also, he likes to travel. a global nomad, he calls himself affectionately. he likes the idea of it. moving all the time. i admit - it works for him. for a long time, i liked that about him too--he's not around all the time. so he is usually gone for 3 - 10 days at a time about once a month. its not unusual that he'll schedule a series of short trips. A three-day business trip then home for a day, to fly out the next day on a 5-day pleasure trip.

so he's gone for sprints at a time. often.

from the beginning, now almost a year ago, he becomes invisible while he is out of town. i say that i become a stranger whenever he gets on a plane. it's an exaggeration, somewhat. he texts. irregularly. usually he will call once. sometimes he won't. so not a total stranger. but an acquaintance at best.

it's weird, because when he's home, we talk all the time. text back and forth all day. meet for lunch. squeeze in an hour of squeezing in the hour between work and my getting the kids. he'll talk to me up until the seatbelt sign comes on in the plane. when he's here: we're good.

but when he's gone, he's gone. our lives swim in a river of technology from texting to email to skype. but still. he doesn't return texts. sometimes for days. lately when he does text, he doesn't even send "i miss you" or any sweet little nothings, like he used to. i feel disconnected from him. i question if this is a one way feeling and i'm the only one going that way.

plus it just irritates me. it hits my "don't-trust-this-guy" button.

this is not a new issue in our relationship thingy. he knows it irritates me. he knows about the button. he knows i feel like he doesn't care... we've passionately discussed this subject ad nauseum.

and every time he says he understands and he's not going to do it next time. ANDs he still does it.

but this time. i don't know. this time when he did it. i was done with it.

he's been gone 7 days. i've barely been in touch with him at all. aside from a few short texts--mostly informational texts (water temp is nice here, our show is going good...bleh bleh ) we talked once on skype. which was nice. but he won't answer my texts. then texts "sorry" he was out til 3am with clients. he's in latin america in a beach resort hotel overlooking the water. what do you think i think about when he says he's out till all hours? yep. my button's going off. you know what i'm sayin.

then yesterday we had a text tiff.

you know, i sat down and started writing this post so i could pour out all the thoughts that keep clogging up my brain. and now that i'm sitting here writing it out. it seems ridiculous. but nonetheless. we had a text tiff. a fight. by text. yes. it is childish. i see that now.

he said i remind him of his ex wife. i said to call me when he gets over his ex wife. he said 'be more positive'. i said, 'come get your shit'. all in text. that was yesterday about 3:00.

so now he's back in the US. not home yet, but on american soil, texan soil even. he text when he got to IAH (his usual "got back ok") and he did call. feeling me out. he'll be back in houston on sunday. i'll have to fish or cut bait at that point.

on Saturday, my kids leave on daddy duty for two weeks. traditionally, i have dubbed these two weeks a summer as "the debauchery tour". i'm thinking it will depend on how much fun i'm having between kidless saturday and The Guy Returns Sunday as to how i'll play this hand.

i'm open to suggestions. it's been six years since i had to manage a relationship. that didn't go so well.

am i rambling? it seems like i'm rambling.

3 comments:

Surviving Triplets said...

Ay, girl. You & these relationships. We'll talk more tomorrow when you come or maybe I'll call you at work. Relationships aren't hard & you guys have officially gotten over the "honeymoon" phase. Is it still worth the effort? Only you can answer that question.

Love from us all!

bejewell said...

I don't know, dude. Sounds fishy to me. If you've talked about it and he hasn't changed the behavior, that's just what it is. Gotta base your decision on that assumption, I guess.

Fingers crossed for you?

Off topic: You ARE coming to Austin at least for a little while when the girls are away -- right?

BOSSY said...

Rambling is fine, good, great.