Internal Conversation

Myself: you should blog more
I: yeah, you should
me: i should blog more. if i had a laptop i'd blog more
I: you're all about excuses. when's the last time you went to the gym? you're lazy.
Myself: yeah, you are lazy
me: i'm trying to get organized around here. remember "clear your work space" ?? New Years Resolution List #1. i can't do everything
Myself: don't be the victim, puhleez
I: yeah, don't be that girl
me: i'm not being a victim, but i can't do everything at the same time. i can do anything, but i can't do everything. at least i made new years resolutions this year. i wrote them down, i'm working the list. that alone is big for me. i'm working a list.
I: thought "blog more" was on that list
Myself: i remember "lose 30 lbs" that was on the list
me: i don't like staring into a corner with that new computer. i can't get my writers groove in that space. i need a laptop. i'm doing other stuff right now. i'll get to the blogging. for god sakes, give yourself a break. i'm eating breakfast almost every day. baby steps people
Myself: still, you should write. at least read something
me: i've reorganized and de-clutterfied the kitchen, redecorated both kids rooms and the dining room and cleaned out my closet for the first time in 6 years. i will blog when i get a laptop and i will read when i can get through more than two pages without falling asleep
I: reorganized the kitchen? really? come on, you reorganized MOST of the kitchen. redecorating the girls rooms is a work in progress. you'll never have the money for a laptop. nobody reads your blog anymore anyway. its boring. you used to be funny. you're not funny anymore.
Myself: yeah, you're not funny. wedding dress? not funny.
me: i am too funny. i'm freaking hilarious. and the kitchen is reorganized. redecorating is a big job. there's the painting and moving the furniture and new sheets for the bigger bed. carpet cleaning. it's a lot. it is a work in progress, but it is progressing. i've been reading that vampire book, doesn't that count?
Myself: not really. that book sucks. ha... get it ..vampire... sucks... i'm funny
I: now we've lowered ourselves to reading best sellers. pathetic. you don't deserve a blog. what's next? listening to top 40?
Myself: yeah, you blow
me: i do not blow, well i certainly don't swallow--see, i AM too funny. i'm taking it one thing at a time. for once in my life i'm starting a job, finishing it then moving on to the next job. no more half ass -ed- ness. i've been single for 6 years and it's time to take control. i'm not going to live like this anymore! this is my house! this is my life! i'm the only one who is going to be accountable for it. and this time damn it, i'm going to do the shit i say i'm going to do. and i'm not going to let myself talk me into a depressed little pity pit
Myself: chill sister. you're doing a good job. i just want you to write. there's that book in your head, if you don't get it out, you'll drink those brain cells away and not even know it
I: it's not a pity pit, i'm just trying to keep you real. the house does feel awesome. for the first time... ever. and the girls rooms look really good. who would've thought blue and orange? with purple? you totally rock. your ass is big, though
me: i know i need to get to the gym more often. for my ass and for my peace of mind. i need to write. i need a laptop. i need to read--actual literature, not candy bar novels. but hold on a minute... this is the first forward movement i've had in 6 years. SIX YEARS. and i have a guy. yes. me. i.have.a. man . like an actual man that lives in the same town i do and we see each other. it's a real relationship. he's not even an expat. officially, i mean. so give me a break. i'm not going to cower down to these little voices anymore. get onboard with the pep talk ladies. go me. go me. go me.
Myself: yeah, you rock. and you are funny, but this post isn't very funny
I: not too funny
me: at least it's a blog

Myself: not funny, though. you're just going to drive right past the gym, aren't you
I: lazy
me: bite me