Monday, April 28, 2008

letter to an old friend


a thousand apologies for not writing sooner. i don't know how to catch up anymore, i guess. twice i've sat down to write you, and frankly, didn't really know where to begin.

it's harder to mark time when there are not obvious milestones around anymore. i remember when bailey was first walking, pulling up to things... then when allie was first able to hold a crayon and make some kind of recognizable symbol. i remember bailey's first day of kindergarten. seems like yesterday and another life all at the same time.

Allie turned five last week:she'll start kindergarten in the fall. she's able to write her name, and speaks like your all-consuming american 13 yr old most days. she's got a quick wit and is her mom in spades, which as i know more than anyone, has it's good points --and BAD. :)

tony left on april 12 2003, so there's a kind of a time marker, i guess. i feel more over my divorce than i ever have, although if you would've asked me a year ago, i would have said the same thing. maybe one day i'll wake up and forget his face. then maybe one day forget his name. HA.. i'm guessing not...

bailey is 9 now, about to finish third grade: yep, that means she'll be in fourth grade next year. you know what that means. buckle the seatbelt, pull the bar down over your knees: here comes boys. and tampons and pimples...and, .. oh my g...boobs.
okay, maybe not all of them in fourth grade, but i do feel like i'm in that dip right before you start to clack, clack, clack up that huge hill on the texas cyclone. .. you just know there's a big drop on the other side of that hill. . that hill is my daughter the teenager. she's just sitting there,like a huge hill i'll be dropped off of...soon.

let's see...what else? i'm not sure how much i told you about the 57 yr old guy i fell hard for last year. honestly jennifer, i don't know that i've ever met a man before that i felt more instantly connected to and so accepted by. it was weird,and cool and so completely un-doable... he's back in singapore these days, and we never talk anymore, but it was just enough to make me really want someone in my life, and also bring to light that i am lonely. i try to look at it as an experience and one that really gave me hope someone is on my horizon--that will really understand me, but also like that possible? hmmmm....
work is... ugh.. it's just a job. i daydream about writing a quirky little novel or doing a snarky-attitude memoir about being a sexy single mom... (HA)... but in the meantime, i quote car insurance and eat food from paper plates at a desk.

all in all, old friend, i am very content and hopeful these days, all of my trademark cynism aside. i created one of those vision boards that oprah goes on about. haven't seen any of the stuff jump off that corkboard and into my life yet, but supposedly you just put the pictures on there and let the universe do the work, so i'm all in on that plan.

i wish we lived closer, so that once in a while when i get that wild rush to jump in the car, i could come visit you... course there are other friends who do live close enough... and i don't ever get that wild rush! are we too busy? or just too lazy? :) depends on the day for me.

with lots of love: past, present and future-

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